Happy Boxing Day, whatever

Boxing Day is seen as a mysteriously quaint Canadian or British tradition upon which redcoats, horses and hounds hunt a fox, if Boxing Day is given any thought at all by Americans. Some may recall an old M*A*S*H television episode in which military officers traded places with enlisted men on the day after Christmas, and others might mistakenly believe it's the day when all those gift boxes are cleared out after the eggnog has gone sour.

But originally it probably had a lot to do with the haves giving the have-nots a generous box of food or coins or tools or leather or something to help them survive the cold winter and get their serfly duties accomplished on time and under budget.

Thankfully, our Forefathers here in America eliminated most ancient Boxing Day traditions, which clearly were meant to preserve the patronizing class lines between kings and shepherds, lords and serfs, masters and servants. (Too bad they didn't also extinguish another socio-economic tradition, slavery, which lasted a further 100 years.)

Many deliberate alterations of British manners were purposely instituted to tweak silly old King George--such as changing the spelling of words like patronise to patronize, and using a fork with the right hand (zig-zag style) instead of in the more efficient (yet sinister) European or Continental left hand. (There are reports indicating it was the Europeans who changed, later in the 1840's, but you may ignore them as aristocratic propaganda.)

Not everyone was ready for the egalitarian New World. General George Washington had to isolate his own mother in a cabin for the duration of the Revolutionary War because of her annoying habit of shouting "God save the King" in mixed company, and, presumably, for using her knife to herd peas onto her left-handed fork.

During the late nineteenth century, the Victorians made Boxing Day an official banking holiday when it became apparent the rising (and scary) middle class was gaining power and accumulating new-found wealth. Certainly, every good Englishman deserved to be reminded of his superiors.

Hmmm… maybe the rarely seen "holiday bonus" is the last vestige of Boxing Day in America, as obscenely wealthy CEOs lord it over their serfs. Sure, we can all pretend to be equal in America, but we know who butters our porterhouse steak (don't we?) as we lift fork to mouth in anti-Continental fashion.

So bless us all, every one, and Tally Ho!